And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
