i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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