Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you would pick up someone in the library
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
