I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
