Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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