Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
