so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My ATM looks so different sober.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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