My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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