Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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