he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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