Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
