He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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