just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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