so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
