You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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