Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why can't burritos get me drunk