Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
