Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them