how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much