meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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