on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
