Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
as a side note pls kill me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
