Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
