oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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