And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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