i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
