My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
