Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They took my balls.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
