believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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