the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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