the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's official drugs can't kill me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
