i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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