I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
