remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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