Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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