I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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