My sheets look like a crime scene.
I faked an abortion last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
