Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
