I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
