you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
