Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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