walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bring me that man meat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
