well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
