I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
