Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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