Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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