I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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