and you said cock pushups were impossible
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
