im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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