Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
