6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
