I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
