We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
