which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
