I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
