I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
