I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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