Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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