This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
