A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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