finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
